5 days later...

I can't seem to kick this cold.

Last winter, while everyone around me was catching some variation of the avian flu every 2 days, I stayed healthy. I suppose that, yes, it was stupid of me to assume that this kind of luck would welcome me into 2008, but REALLY. Not only can I not breathe or sleep properly, but it's now extended itself to include my voice. I was on the phone while doing groceries this morning and I noticed that I sound a lot like I imagine MJ would sound once he hits 80.

So I've got all these decisions to make in the next couple of days that I don't feel ready for. I'm not asking for any advice or anything because 1) I think I'm the only one who reads this and 2) I need to go around in circles until I finally make a decision. Stay in Paris? Leave Paris? If I leave Paris, where do I go? Germany? Hungary? Italy? US? Back to Canada? Toronto...now?? Do I want to leave? Do I want to stay and live off a wack salary but be able to pursue my other interests? What's more important to me now? Fuck.

The longer I'm here the more I like it. Now that everything is settled with the bank, I'm connecting with solid people, I'm finding inspiration for my creative work and I finally found a health food superstore, why should it be time to pick up and leave? But then looking around my apt, at my purchase and my travel guides, I realize that there is more that I want to do while I'm here and simply put I need cash money for anything and everything. Plus, spring is coming and Michael and I were talking about summertime here and how crazy it must be. I know I'm supposed to take everything one day at a time, but I've never been able to live like that.

Go big or go home?